I am all in a panic and tizzy about my upcoming shoulder surgery. I'd really rather have it over and done with but this is not an option. The kids have two weeks of Spring break, last week and this week. It would be cruel of me as a mother to do that to them. And we had such a great week last week too. The husband is away on business the first week of April. So there goes that week. I wanted to have my surgery on the 5th, the Monday after Easter. But My Doctor will be out of town then. Like he's allowed to have a life? Sheesh... And I didn't want the surgery on the 8th because Christopher's Birthday party is on the 10th. So that's not fair either... which brings me to Monday, April 12th. That's the soonest I can get fixed up. So I have three more weeks of waiting and wondering and getting more and more nervous.

It will be a period of adjustment, I realize this. I will have to adapt to life, for a while, where I will not be able to do much. I will be very limited physically. I'll have to let things go. I realize this but I don't like it. I also don't like the fact that I will have to rely on everyone for every thing. But I will have to. I worry about silly things, like clothes. How will I get dressed? What will I wear? How will I do my hair? How will I wash my hair? And a silly, well not so silly thing, will my bra strap cut into my incisions? (I will have three two on the front and one on the back.) I will be in an immobilizer, a sling that will hug my arm to my body. I have our school's fundraiser to attend (I am a co-chair) just 12 days after surgery and what kind of dress will I wear? Will it even matter since the immobilizer is so damned huge and ugly and I won't want to wear it... Silly, stupid thoughts like that... and who will keep the house tidy. I know, let it go, but I can't. I can't even be sick without my house being tidy...

So last night (because I had nothing worthwhile to do) I decided to consult Dr. Google to find out what my surgery will entail. Ugh, big (huge) mistake. I saw images I should not have seen. Yes, I am that person to watch a bad car accident and linger around... Ugh!

Now the damage is done and the fear is greater. How could I be so stupid, really? I don't know what scares me most... the metal anchors that will be affixed to my bone... the anesthesia... getting sick from the anesthesia... I hate getting sick to my stomach... or the pain after-wards... I'm highly sensitized to pain and I am a big baby... this does not a good combination make...

Thanks to Dr. Google, this morning I awoke to a most bizarre dream. I never have dreams. But I did last night. I was awaiting my turn for surgery and I got hungry so I ordered myself a cheeseburger and fries. I never order stuff like this for myself! But I did in my dream. And then after inhaling every bite of the burger and last fry (Did I not have anything to drink?) I remembered that I wasn't supposed to eat anything! One must have an empty stomach for anesthesia.

So what would I do? I told one of the nurses of what I had done and she told me to wait it out, that maybe they would take me anyhow. How long would I have to wait for the mighty burger and fries to digest? I thought this bizarre but decided to wait it out anyhow. Then as I was about to get prepped for surgery I was informed by that nurse that My Doctor was no longer going to be operating. His last case was the one before mine. What? How could this happen? My Doctor is so very much more personable than Dr. Google... gentle, soft-spoke and from what I have been told has a great bed-side manner and really treats his patients well. I am pretty sure the same cannot be said of Dr. Google. My Doctor is kind of cute too and that paired with a gentle demeanor makes a patient feel that they are in good hands. (You wouldn't want an unkempt, gruff surgeon now would you?) My dream ended by my walking out of the surgical center feeling defeated. Dr. Google had won and I would never see My Doctor again and now I would have to find a New My Doctor and wait and wonder and worry even longer!