School has been out for almost 2 months now. The kids have been going to soccer camps, tennis camps and even ice skating camps. We went away to Maine. We have been to playgrounds, beaches, the lake and the sprinkler park. We have had tons of iced tea and lemonade and ice cream and Popsicles. The kids have been playing out in the backyard until quite late. We have been eating outside al fresco. We can wear sundresses, shorts, T-shirts and bathing suits. The hose goes on several times a day. The kiddie pool is filled at least once a day. The grass is growing faster than my kids are. The kids generate so much laundry that I must do a load a day just to keep on top of it. The grass and the trees are a beautiful emerald green.

Yet, despite it all, it hasn't really felt like summer. I am constantly torn in three directions and trying to keep up with three kids of very different ages at very different stages. There is only one of me. My 2 year old has a mind of his own and wants to go off and do his own thing or he wants to keep up with the older two and he simply can not.

We were at the lake the other day and Alexander wanted to go out past the ropes. I kept trying to bring him back in, but every time I got him back to the sand he'd go back out. He's 2, he does not know how to swim and his fearlessness terrifies me. We had a few loud arguments. We ended up screaming at each other. Though our screams sounded very different. I felt badly for him. I really did. But I also could not abandon the other two... three actually. We had a friend with us that day. I brought new sand toys so that they might hold his interest. No way. No how. Poor kid. He was also exhausted and being deprived of a nap he so badly needed so that the older two could have fun. Then the kids wanted lunch. I made turkey and cheese sandwiches for everyone. I was told that was something they all would eat. They all took one bite. I was mad at the time I wasted to make them and at the amount of food wasted. Of course they all wanted ice cream. If the friend had not been there I would have said no. But I agreed and they all ended up choosing those bomb pop Popsicle type things. It was actually a good decision. Alexander ate the entire thing. That was a good 15 minutes of no chasing. Finally at 4:00 we left. I was fried and frazzled. The kids had a blast. I was a mess. In the parking lot Alexander and I saw a lady bug on one of the towels. He had seen his very first the day before and I just love lady bugs. We let it crawl on our fingers and on his belly. Ladybugs are good luck I have been told. This one was, as Alexander fell asleep as soon as I buckled him into his car seat. I got a nap out him which I so badly needed. When we got home I told Don I had no idea how I was going to survive the rest of the summer. And the next one for that matter... Ugh...

We decided to order pizza for dinner (that was Don's brilliant and ever so considerate idea) which we ate outside. The weather was perfect. The kids played outside until dusk at which point Alexander saw his first firefly -- Christopher likes to call them lightning bugs and Alexander calls them Blinking Bugs. There was just one and it was so much fun to watch the kids chase it all over place. Finally, it flew away. The sun had long gone down, the deck and umbrella lights were all on giving it a sort of a magical and majestic feel. I looked all around and finally, for those few brief moments, the first time since June, I felt as though summer had finally come.