Stepping out on a limb :: When was the last time you really stepped out of your comfort zone?
“Why not go out on a limb?
That’s where all the fruit is. ”
Children do it all the time.
Children are constantly learning and testing their boundaries and when success strikes they gleefully squeal "Watch me! Watch me!" and proudly show off their latest talent. And then, at some point it just seems to stop. Stepping out of one's comfort zone isn't the same thing as taking a chance unless by taking that chance you're left feeling slightly uncomfortable. I firmly believe in stepping out of my comfort zone. I truly believe this is when the best things happen to us. For many of us this doesn't come naturally - we need to force ourselves to do so.
When I first got divorced I stepped outside of my comfort zone all the time.
Divorce definitely propels you to do so, after all, the act of leaving a marriage might be the most uncomfortable thing one can ever do, especially for (most) women. I for one love adventure. I love new experiences and I love a challenge, to a certain degree. I don't love the unknown and I don't love feeling out of control. When you step out on a limb and really challenge yourself you are venturing into the unknown and you are not in control. Truth be told, if I know something is going to be difficult I tend to back away; fear of failure I am sure is part of it. But how will we know we will fail if we don't try? And really, what's the worst that can happen? You fail. And what is failure? If you look at it from a positive point of view, it's merely an opportunity to learn. It's also an opportunity to grow. So given that knowledge why do we fear failure?
My divorce was horrendous. It was long and tough and nasty and difficult. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure. I can tell you with absolute certainty that had I known how difficult it would be, I would never have started the process. But I did and with my eyes wide shut I took a leap of faith, spread my wings and held my breath that I would land safely on my feet. And I did. As a result I became a much stronger, better, kinder and more sympathetic person. Is my life easier? No, It is much more difficult, but it is infinitely better. I am happier, so much happier than I would be had I not taken that blind leap of faith. Stepping out of my comfort zone brought me peace and happiness.
For the first year or so I was single I made a point of pushing myself, forcing myself to do things I wouldn't ordinarily do. I kept a record of them all and each time I did I felt a sense of accomplishment. And then it all stopped. I'm not sure why, but it did. I hadn't given much thought to it or why I stopped until the other day when I was invited to review a new aerial adventure and zip line park earlier this week. (I wrote about it here.)
The uncertainty of the adventure was a great motivator for me.
As we made our way towards the end of the course i started to doubt myself. The more challenging everything became, the more I wanted to back out. This is quite typical of me and has been since childhood. I seem to only be able to push myself so far. Perhaps I don't want to make the effort, perhaps I simply think I can't do it. It's most likely a combination of the two. And as I ventured into harder and uncharted (for me) territory I become more and more uncomfortable. I wanted to back down from the challenge. I wanted to turn away and go back to safety. "Safety" is such a dangerous word.
This was impossible, however. I was needed - I had to guide and watch over my two sons, and the course was set up in such a manner that one couldn't just give up. I, therefore had no choice but to stick with it. My 10 year old started to get tired and nervous toward the end as well. I needed to be his strength. I needed to be his encouragement. I needed to be strong. I needed to be positive.
At the very end of the course as I stood up on that narrow ledge quite literally clinging to that tree, I sent my 10 year old sailing on the zip-line across the vast expanse of water below - high over the trees, a landscape that ought to have been captured by Constable or Turner. He sat back, arms to the side, relaxed, at peace and accomplished. I watched as he landed, as his journey ended, incredibly proud of his personal achievement, happy that I had been a part of it and had helped to create a memory that he will remember for the rest of his life. Because that's what life is. Life is a series of curated memories and experiences that don't happen on the couch or in comfort zones.
And then it was my turn. Unable to look down I set my focus straight ahead. And once again I took another jump. This time my eyes were wide open. This time I worried not about a safe landing - the difficult part had come and gone. Harnessed to a strong cable I flew, like a bird. I could feel the wind in my hair, against my skin. I was completely overtaken by this peaceful, zen-like calm. As I approached the end of the course I remember thinking to myself that I had made it. I was proud but I would never do it again knowing just how difficult our adventure had been. A few hours later, however, my mind had changed. I would do it all over again. In a New York Minute. Thrilling. Exhilarating. Challenging. Those are words I don't use often enough. Rewarding. Satisfying. Accomplishment. These are words I haven't used to describe me own life in years.
When we live within our comfort zones we continue on with the ordinary.
When we push our own boundaries we experience the extraordinary. It's easy to get stuck in the routine of day to day living, taking care of family and career needs, but I urge you all to do something, on a fairly regular basis, that makes you uncomfortable. It can be anything - be it physical or emotionally challenging. Or better yet, try a bit of both.
I urge you all to take that chance. I urge you all to step out of that comfort zone. Life is meant to be lived. Life is meant to be experienced. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Step outside. Take a chance. Do something unordinary and I promise it will become extraordinary!